The Panic Room

Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints--Manti, Utah Temple

Just looking for a picture of the Manti Temple gives me a wiggly stomach. I reviewed my posts, and it appears that I have never described my avoidance of this particular destination. You see, I was concerned that I was not providing my children with enough opportunities to feel the Spirit, so I made plans for us to attend the Miracle Pageant in Manti Utah as a family.

The spring and summer of that year were very dry and extremely hot. When we arrived, we gathered blankets to sit on, and headed toward the hill, hoping to get a great view of the whole hillside. There were various anti-mormon groups handing out pamphlets to those of us heading toward the hill. Cookie made a comment about how many there were and stated that they should just leave people alone.

A grand setting was chosen for our blankets and I headed toward the restrooms. After I left the restroom, I began to feel nauseated so I tried to find some shade to sit in. I didn't have much luck with that and there were soo many people everywhere. I made it to a small business sign and lay on the grass near it. I began to hyperventilate, gagg, and choke. I really can't remember how everything occurred after that part.

I know someone gave me a large bottle of water, which I kept rolling over my forehead and around my neck. I would take small sips occasionally but didn't really feel thirsty. I was becoming more and more disoriented and at some point I ended up in an RV that was set up as a first aid station. Someone made an announcement to have the OsmOne report to the first aid station. It was Cookie that recognized it was our family that was being paged. I guess they had the OsmOne's name wrong but after the announcement was repeated and I was still absent, Cookie told the OsmOne she felt he should respond.

It felt like forever before my hubby came. His voice can calm me down, but it didn't work for very long that day. My heart was racing, I was sweating profusely, and couldn't decide if I should vomit or take a crap! I do not know how long the whole affair took, but I eventually ended up in an ambulance. (I am also told that a medical helicopter had been summoned, but I have no recollection of that)

My family followed me to the emergency room of a very small hospital. I was dry heaving into a bucket and the attendants from the ambulance were staying with me until the doctor could check me out. The attendants kept saying that I appeared to be having an allergic reaction to something, but I told the doctor I was having a panic attack.

The doctor was very angry and told the attendants to leave me, that I would need to wait my turn. I assume he felt I was seeking drugs. Again, I have no way to measure how much time went by, but eventually the doctor gave me a sedative and I was helped into our vehicle for the ride home. I would find out later that the doctor spoke to the OsmOne sternly and told him I needed a lot of help. In front of our children, this doctor stated that I needed years and years of therapy. When I learned this, I withdrew further into my shell.

Since that time, Nanna, Cookie, Ladybug, and Tigger have all chosen to attend this temple when receiving their endowment. Every time, it has been a revisit to that summer for me. Tigger was the most recent to go through the temple. I feel I did a good job during her sister's experiences, but I barely made it through Tigger's.

Nothing was going the way it normally does when I attend the temple. The assistants kept giving us the wrong information and sending us the wrong direction. This seemed to set off an alarm inside and I felt the adrenaline rush through my body. By the time Tigger had everything prepared and we entered the chapel to sit with The Actor and The OsmOne, I was melting very quickly. My heart rate pounded through my ears and I could not breathe easily. I felt as though I were choking. The OsmOne went to get a handkerchief for me. I was determined not to ruin this, but it was very difficult.

I survived through this, of course, but refused to participate in the prayer. I survived. I survived. But I still get chills just mentioning the Manti Temple.

What an idiot.