SHE'S GONNA BLOW!

image by MSN

 

A bomb went off at the Boston Marathon today, injuring hundreds and killing at least three. Reports identified loss of limbs, broken bones, and shrapnel wounds were common injuries. One of the face book pages I follow is called 'High Anxieties.' The question was asked, "when is it time to turn off the news and images?" My response was this:

Karen Hill - I struggle with panic disorder but agoraphobia was triggered by 911. For me, I have to know what is going on. I want to know where the danger is coming from. I want to know who did it and why. So even though the images are duplicative, my need to know outweighs my fear.

 

 My arm has been bothering me for several months and today at work, my forearm was tingling and my hand went completely numb. I called the orthopedist and made an appointment. An Xray indicated some stenosis of a few disks in my neck so I have been referred to a spine specialist and scheduled for an MRI in the morning. 

 

When the nurse was making my appointment for the MRI, she asked if I was claustrophobic. How do you respond to this when you have panic disorder? "sometimes." I said. "Well, maybe, kinda sorta."

 

Her response was that in order to have a Valium prior to the procedure, I would need to come half an hour earlier and bring someone to drive me home. I decided I could do it without the Valium.

 

I arrived at my appointment on time and learned that the earlier you schedule your appointment at imaging, the faster you get in! Lesson Learned!
 

 

 

The technician invited me to lie down on the table and place my shoulders firmly against the block. I did this successfully with minimal wobbling, which is a miracle considering the size of my bottom end!! As the technician placed, what I can only call a face mask, over my face he explained that this is used for stability and it results in better images. I immediately felt the weight of the contraption interfere with my breathing patter and mumbled, "Uh-oh."

 

The technician asked if this was going to be a deal breaker and I let him know it was a possibility. He suggested we wait just a minute and see if  I can continue. I won--we are doing this! So the technician placed foam pads on either side of my head making sure I was snug and could not move and then the machine magically sucks you into its innards.

 

The machine is so tight that only an inch remains between my left side and the machine, my right side and the machine, and my nose and the roof of the machine. The roof of the machine has long lights, but I wouldn't know that if I closed my eyes. So I close my eyes, make sure I have a secure hold on my emergency button, and between the clanks and bangs of the machine, begin to sing myself a song:

"Heavenly Father--are you really there and do you hear and answer every child's prayer. Some say that Heaven is far away, but I feel it close around me as I pray. Heavenly Father--I remember now, something that Jesus told disciples long ago; Suffer the children to come to me. Father in prayer I'm coming now to thee. 

Child--I am hear. Speak I am listening. You are my child....."

 

So, I can't remember the rest of the words so I just kept singing this portion over and over again (75 times) until the technician's voice came through the innards of the machine and told me I was half way through, and doing a great job! Well, who would give up now??? Now I get to count down !

When I was done singing, I was free to go! Folds this is called SCORE!!! Whooot!

 

So I am feeling pretty good about myself after that nice little battle with the Nemesis. I am feeling quite invincible so I head toward my office which is about 60 minutes away by freeway. My stereo is blasting Ollie Murs and I am bopping along at my standard 80 MPH (yes I am aware it is dangerous, but I am behind the wheel, which of course means I, I said I as in ME am in charge.)

 

image by google

 

I approach a two tanker gasoline truck which is leaking pink fluid at a steady stream from the back tank. Well, after the bombing in Boston, I definitely do not want this happening in my backyard, so I speed up (just a little) to get even with the trucker. I wave my arms like a lunatic to get his attention.

 

As I pull ahead, I keep my speed slower than what I like while observing the trucker. My fellow commuters were not happy with me slowing down, so I moved into the same lane as the trucker. I hoped he would get the message and follow, which he did as his signals indicated he was moving over to the right. Just in time since the commuters in that lane were becoming impatient with me. I figured if I switched lanes again he would know I was trying to communicate. I decided to go ahead and pull to the right shoulder and hoped the trucker would also. He did!! What a miracle!!

 

He pulled off and a little ahead of me. I pulled my emergency brake and pushed my emergency flashers before running toward his truck. As I approached the truck, the driver walked along the side of the truck with a bit of swagger but a concerned look on his face. I immediately informed him of the appearance of a leak and he smiled big and informed me it was just snow. I clasped my hands together and pleaded:

 

"Oh my goodness! Are you sure?? Please promise me it is just snow!"

"I promise, Ma'am. Its just snow. I'm empty, Ma'am."

"You're sure? Because this would be, like, really bad and...."

"I'm positive, Ma'am. I am empty, Ma'am!"

 

When I arrived at my office, there were tons of vehicles! My immediate thought was they evacuated the building! My building is right off the freeway. Have I mentioned that it takes a while for the adrenaline to run its course following a run in with the Nemesis? Yea. Well........