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I ventured into the public today. My father asked me for some items so I traveled to the local WalMart store. It is a big store. I enjoy it as long as I ignore every person who has decided to shop at the same time I am there. I avoid looking at people. I don't want to have to say hello or to smile or anything that might suggest I actually have manners!
Today I was dressed comfortably; wearing my scrubs with a t-shirt. I happened to be wearing my 'Vote for Pedro' shirt (a reference to the Napoleon Dynamite movie). As I moved through the aisles, I noticed people attempting to read my shirt. (Well that was a dumb shirt to wear in public! Of course people will try to read what is on your shirt! That is the point of having something written on your shirt!) It occurred to me later, a current controversy in national media is in regards to illegal immigrants. People's interest in my t-shirt now took on a new meaning!
Soooo... I start to feel anxious. No problem because I know where the restroom is. The same place the restroom is located in every WalMart store! At the front. Near the service desk. Usually well marked. Although I was in the outdoor gardening section at the south end of the store, I made a quick bee-line toward the security of the public restroom. (A public restroom!)
It apparently was the place to be! Every mother and her toddler under the age of four was hoping to visit the big porcelain throne. I was lucky and waited only a few seconds to enter the hallowed enclosure. I was aware (very aware) of the continual traffic moving in and out of the stalls around me and told myself they were irrelevant. No one could see me. I just needed to use the restroom. (A public restroom!) People use restrooms everyday. I use the restroom at home. This is just a normal part of life. (One every young mother and her tot is experiencing at the exact same moment that I am!)
The traffic and noise died down, I breathed deeply into my stomach and realized I had finished the deed and only a few people remained in the room. So I proceeded through the finishing touches and as I stood, the toilet miraculously flushed all by itself! Surprised, I turned toward the fountain and continued to tie my scrubs. My motion immediately told the magic fountain to flow again! And that is when I noticed the fountain was not draining! Slowly I backed away from the monster, pushing my back into the metal door locked behind me.
The monster threatened. The filth grew and grew until it reached the top of the bowl, which held back the grimy contents. My brain rapidly chased my heartbeat as I tried to determine the best way to handle this 'situation'. I noticed the lady in the next stall was wearing flip-flops with sparkly jewels on the straps. She had a child with her and was telling them how brave they are....(crap is going to get all over those shoes! Nevermind the shoes! Her feet are going to be covered! Nevermind her, there is a small child in there! What will this do to that child! He is going to believe all the toilets are monsters! I am going to die! How do I get out of this!)
The monster continued to point black motion sensors in my direction as I slowly angled my mouth toward the open ceiling, "Ladies, is there a plunger in any of these stalls?" (that sounded mature and polite)
Only one answer came back, "There isn't one in here..."
(this is ok. I will just wait until the water slowly escapes through the plumbing I will wait until there are no more children in the room I will wait until there are only a few people left Maybe I can move when the water drains a little if the water drains a little maybe I can move and it won't overflow but I can't gaurantee it won't overflow and it is going to be messsssyyyyyyyy and how do I get out of this!)
Time passed. Slowly. The water level lowered. Slowly. Another lady warned someone there was a mess in the first stall and no tissue paper either! (There is a line waiting to use the stall! Shit!) I pressed further into the metal door. Time passed. Slowly. The black sensors of the beast remained centered on me. I stared back, determined. My heart rate calmed, the sweat cooled me and encouraged me to do something. (DO Something!!!!)
"Ladies, this toilet is very clogged. Would someone notify housekeeping or whoever..." A different lady warned another attendant that the first stall had pee all over the seat and floor. And the only tissue paper appeared to be what was on the floor. Time passed. Slowly. Ever so S*L*O*W*L*Y....
The crowd seemed to be thinning then, but no one had a plunger. The stall next to me then had a lady and her toddler attending to business. The lady told her daughter to stand up. "Caca! Caca!" She repeated her demand, but the curious little one was now peering under the stall. Her mother apologized immediately. "No problem." I said. "I am just standing here because this toilet is plugged and if I move it is going to flush and go everywhere."
"Does anyone know about it, 'cause that other one is really messy too."
I told her of my request for a plunger and how I had hoped someone said something. Just in case, I requested that she be sure to tell someone. "It sure is nice of you to make sure it didn't happen," she said. Not long after she left the room, 'Maintenance needed at Restrooms, Maintenance needed at Restrooms. Thankyou.' came over the loud speaker.
Time passed. kinda slow...and no one came.
The water had drained in the fountain. If it flushed, it would probably fill again to the rim. (but this is really gross!) Maybe if I moved slowly, the sensor wouldn' recognize the motion. (but it could flush and overflow and this is really gross!) Maybe if I go toward this side, I would be out of the sensor's path. (but it could flush and this is disgusting!) Maybe they will be here soon. (So...should I just come out at that point and let it go or should I politely ask for a plunger? But how do you pass a plunger into a locked stall? Do I want to see a plunger coming over the top of the stall or do I risk movement by bending over to reach for a plunger coming under the stall?)
I stared at the contraption as though the monster could perceive my intentions. Slowly, I slid my arm behind me and paused. Nothing happened. There was only one person in the room other than me. I slowly slid the latch to the unlocked position, and paused once again. Nothing. I very slowly retrieved my keys waiting atop the tissue dispenser. Pause. Nothing. Maintaining my proximity to the door, I slid out of the stall. Nothing! (I'm FREE!)
I do not know how long it took maintenance to arrive and slay the awful beast, or whether they arrived at all, but I returned to the outdoor garden area. As though nothing ever happened. (game over; 30-40 minutes. Me:1 WalMart:0)
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