It seems to have been a very long time since the nemesis won an interaction with me. But all it takes is one failure to cause me to move into that constant state of "what if."
I didn't get much of a holiday over the Labor Day weekend this year because we had family at the house so we could bless the new grandbaby. So I took the following Thursday off of work to do anything I wanted to. Hung out at home. I wanted to go see a movie that was opening on Friday but the first showing wasn't going to be until early evening so I chose a different movie. All action and humor.
The movie has been in the theater for quite a while so it was relegated to a small theater in the back of the establishment. Since we can now reserve seats, it was easy to see that there wasn't going to be a crowd. Yea!!!
I got myself a hotdog, a box of skittles, and a large Mr. Pibb. It takes a lot of thought to determine if I can handle Mr. Pibb or not. After only a short debate, during which I reminded myself that I was allowed to do what ever I wanted on this holiday weekend, I determined I was having that caffeinated soda!
When I entered the theatre, there were three people sitting at the top. Heeehehee, my seat was going to be in the center of the main row of seats so I could put my feet up on the bars and not bother anyone. I was nice and comfy and chowed down my hot dog (with mustard only) and then opened the skittles; popping them two at a time into my mouth. Sips of soda in between. This was going as planned. Until two additional patrons joined our crowd.
I did not see them enter the theater, so I do not know if it was two guys or a guy and a girl. I do know they both had low voices and spoke in a foreign language. WELL, I can't exactly just turn and look them in the face! Afterall, if they are killers then I would have to be taken out first cause I can identify them!! They continued to speak quietly to each other and then I heard a noise. I can't even describe the noise. But I am sure it sounds similar to when you pour bullets into an automatic weapon. Oh yeah, you don't pour them do you? It is more like a click-thunk sound... Anyway then there was a sound that reminded me of the noise a ratchet-wrench makes. I knew it! I knew they were loading their guns! I looked for the fastest way out. The movie hadn't started yet, but maybe if I just left now, I could escape the slaughter of the remaining three patrons.
NO, I talked myself out of that. This was a stupid train of thought. Why would they come to a movie with no one attending in order to commit their little terroristic plot?? WELL? Of course maybe they just picked the theater furthest from the front of the theater with a quick escape down the stairs to the parking garage. hmmmm....NO I am going to stick it out. SCORE!!
I was enjoying the movie so much that I basically forgot about those guns behind me. The movie's title was Two Guns and starred Denzel Washington and Mark Walberg. It was full of shoot-outs and crazy driving and the two stars bantering back and forth so quickly that you had to pay attention to what they were really saying. I enjoyed the movie!! I enjoyed the movie so much I lost track of how much Mr. Pibb I was drinking!! When the movie ended, I waited for the terrorists to leave before fleeing into the closest restroom. Stomach cramps, sweating, racing heart, dizziness--you know, the regular nemesis arsenal.
But I stayed until I was in control! YEA!! Then I decided to head down to the other end of the mall, which I should have realized was another trick. I do not venture there because the restrooms are too few and too far away. But I thought I had cleared anything and everything from my gut back at the theater. I hadn't.
So now comes the public humiliation. As I realize where I am at and how far it is to the nearest restroom, I am greatly aware of the cramping in my intestines. Loud noises follow me as I hurry toward the JCPenney store about half way through the mall. As I turned the corner leading to the restroom, several loud complaints escaped my bowels and I heard some woman giggle. I had to hurry before my bowels decided to do what they were designed to do without my authorization. I made it!! In fact I made it home with clean under wear!
In addition, during the entire experience, I was gagging. I had surgery in June to have several discs in my neck fused and since then, I have a very sensitive gag reflex. I was frightened that these gagging sensations were going to turn into real projectile vomit. But I saved that until I arrived home. I remember while in the restroom, someone took an air freshener and sprayed and sprayed and sprayed. And sprayed some more. Yes, I was responsible for that. Thank you very much.
Not one to immediately run from the Nemesis, I chose to go to the women's section and reward myself with a couple of blouses. Twice I was ready to leave, but there was already someone standing at the register. There was no way, no way I was going to stand in line! Even if there was only one person in the line!! I hid among the racks and continued to leave a foul odor until I was able to walk directly to the counter and complete my transaction. Why are cashiers so slow when the Nemesis comes around? Why does the entire world move so slow when the Nemesis is around?? It wouldn't be so bad to have noises coming from you if people would hurry up and leave your presence. Can't they sense the danger? Can't they sense the end of civilization as we know it while I am sitting on the stupid throne?? The floor must be shaking as much as my legs shake with terror, yet I seem to be the only one aware of the horrible ending this is going to have.
I hurried to my car, through the pouring rain. I thought the cool rain would make me feel better and flip the off switch that the Nemesis kept turning on. It didn't work. Now I was wet, and winded, and gagging. By the time I arrived at home, I was gagging uncontrollably. I hurried into the bathroom and lost it in the toilet. It has been a long time and I have forgotten how fast my heart will run. Between repeated trips to the throne, I turned on my electric blanket for warmth and put some pajamas on. Four Xanax later I was able to tell the OSM-One that I went to the movie.....Then slept for 24-hours. Awwwww...Sweet Relief. Just another day in the life......
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