Great description of how I am feeling today. It is day five with a lowered dosage of Effexor. Tried a little 'hair of the dog' to see if it would help at all but alas, I am still floating; feeling the occasional bounce of my brain within the confines of my skull. It is disorienting and confusing. Even the movement of my eyes seem to cause my brain to shiver like jello. Having identified the mental state I find myself, the following post should be read carefully. One can never be sure where unbridled thoughts will wander.
As I look back on life's experiences that led me here, I realize nothing has really changed. The world around me is as evil now as it has always been. The emotions, feelings, and neural reactions within my physical body tend to overwhelm the spirit that exists as "me." I really liked that moment in the movie HOST where the alien is exposed not as an ugly worm or slithering beetle but a shimmering, delicate, compilation of light. Very fragile. That is who I am. Not a good match for the hardness found within this realm.
Today, I share portions of our world that have had enormous impact on my emotional well-being. I realize now, in this moment, that these examples of our world are not intended to show how my God has deserted me, nor has HE deserted the world. But in a small way, our mortal experiences of parenthood are somehow intended to remind us of the greatest law, identified as Love one Another, As I Have Loved You. Having that advice come directly from our Father in Heaven, how do we live within the mortal realm and swim through the daily muck with enthusiasm and a smile? For the evil lies within our Brothers/Sisters. Within Us. Within Me? How have we misinterpreted our purpose here?? Am I destined to experience complete immersion into the mortal abyss??
Was I big-headed in the Pre-mortal realm? Did I have an ego that needed to be diminished? Why must my mortal life be filled with fear so intense that when having a choice, I choose to be hidden and alone? Perhaps it I am experiencing an intense case of home-sickness...
I know where this came from. A beautiful version of IF I Could Hie to Kolob If I Could Hie to Kolob allowed me to escape the mortal body for only a moment and remember that the beauty of all around me is still here, but I am viewing it through the smog. So despite the feeling of a really bad-ass game of ping-pong going on inside my skull, I am going to excise myself from a pill. A drug that has control of my world. "I" may be fragile, but I will carry a big stick.
My name is Karen. I am Mom. And I have infinite worth. Right? yeh.
Her name was Erica
His name was Noah
Jessica was everyone's child
Mormon frauds
Bailee the Nation's babe
The nation's teacher goes with throttle up...
Her name was Cassandra
Mormons on Porn
His name was Graham
First Class watches death approach (when does God reach in and remove one's spirit?)
Her name was Elizabeth (Can we get an update on Mary Katherine please??)
9/11
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