LIFE GOES ON...

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The OSM one and Tigger traveled to Washington this past week for two reasons: OSM one was to attend a turf management conference and Tigger to see the sights. Of course the bonus was visiting with family and friends.

They left on a Saturday and life began to take on a different cloak. Since Ladybug and Dude are now engaged, I don't see her too often. Thus, I spent a lot of time alone during the week they were gone. I picked up a new book and settled in for some reading. It is weird how the house makes so many noises I hadn't noticed before. There was a power bump and the lights flickered, startling me. I quickly shut my bedroom door, as though it would keep me safe. Later, when Ladybug came home, the power went out again. Even though I was no longer alone, it was a bit spooky.

I missed my bus on Monday morning and had to wait for an hour before the next bus arrived. I was uncomfortable before the bus even entered the freeway, and I considered hurrying to get off of it. But I didn't! By the time I arrived in Salt Lake City, I was in serious trouble. When I exited the bus, I was sure I would suffocate before air could reach my lungs. I began to walk on wobbly legs toward my next stop, but by the time I arrived my heart was stuck in my throat, my stomach was nauseated, my legs no longer wanted to move and I was pretty sure my under garments were not going to make it through the day!

Luckily, there was a grand hotel located nearby and I was able to reach the restroom. According to my watch, I had ten minutes to get over it. you GO girl! Once I arrived at my office I was completely lost in what I was doing and accomplished a lot. But that evening, I was alone again. I don't like being alone. I did not believe I was dependent on the OSM one to provide the security I need to survive life, but I think I have now changed my mind. What would I really do if something happened and the OSM one was taken from me? Could I survive on my own? Already the power had gone out and I reset the clock wrong. His side of the bed is piled high with laundry, books, pillows, and any other item I can toss on it. It is too quiet without his CPAP machine whirring and yet there are so many noises, both within and without the house! I found myself sinking into a funk and tried to consider which of my daughters I would have to move in with in order to keep me sane.

By Wednesday, I had experienced two more anxiety attacks, but had maintained a healthy distance from full blown panic. On Thursday, I left work early and went to the mall downtown. Strange people on the bus were annoying me. I walked through the mall, ending at Barnes and Noble. Usually If I focus, I can enjoy the bookstore without noticing people around me. I did pretty good today until the same music kept playing over and over again. The endings of each nerve in my arm was tense with irritation. It turned out that it wasn't the same song, but a cd by an artist who apparently knows only one way to write a song. I found myself verbalizing my irritation, saying outloud that someone needs to change the CD! In fact this happened repeatedly until I wanted to scratch and attack. I made my way to the cashier and found a very long line! See! I wasn't the only one desperate to get away from the sound! Two cashiers hurried to the registers to help the single man trying to keep up. After that, I bought a lemonade and had to sit for a while to regain composure.

I phoned Ladybug and asked if she would pick up my prescription for me because after having the week I had, I knew I was going to go home and straight to bed! She said she would, all I had to do was get her my debit card which would have occurred in a timely manner had the traffic on the freeway not been backed up between Point of the Mountain and Provo! I actually found myself on a detour traveling down Geneva Road! Long before this, I had informed Ladybug I would not be home in time and she didn't need to wait for me before moving on to other plans. By the time I arrived at home, I was nearly 45 minutes late. I had plenty of help sleeping that night. I slept through about 4:30 the next day when My dad called. He wanted to know why I was sleeping at 4:30 in the afternoon!

I made it through the weekend and the OSM one and Tigger returned home late Sunday evening. Yea!!!!!! I had to hurry and clean off one side of the bed, but it was soooo nice to have him back in the home. Just his presence seems to allow Life to go on......