KAREN 1, DIRT & SOD 0

The OSM one and I left Provo and headed into a rain storm. It had already been a long day for both of us. The OSM one grabbed a large diet coke to keep him awake during the drive to Wyoming. I spent a lot of time repeating the phrase "what are the odds?" which is Dr D's recomendation for reality checks. (He previously taught me to use "What if...")

We had some good conversations on the way toward Wyoming and it keeps OSM one alert. We like to discuss dynamics of the teams that exist in our workplace. 'Course this topic can get us both pretty animated so it was fun. Eventually, the conversation changed to a discussion regarding the BYU football field and the difficulties they are having with the new sod.

But it is getting late and I have been up since 4 am. After a while, all I am hearing is "dirt and sod, dirt and sod, dirt and sod..." I could lay my seat back and get some sleep while the OSM one continues to drive, BUT he will fall asleep at the wheel, and since our vehicle has a reputation of rolling at high speeds it will roll, and my seat belt won't work right because I am in a reclined position, and because we have a sun roof on the vehicle it will break open, and I will be crushed by the vehicle because I am in a reclined position and am expelled through the crushed window, and dirt and sod, and dirt and sod. Hmmm, what are the odds? Too high for my liking so we stopped in Rock Springs for the night.

The next day we arrive in Montana. We have a little difficulty finding the correct facility since there are so many clinics in the same area. At one point we were on the walk-way between buildings and we look out and down on all the people. I asked the OSM one why all those people are out there. What are they doing? Where are they going? Why aren't they at home, in their rooms like they should be? He reminds me that not everybody hides in their room. "But they should, then we would all be safe from what ever it is that the one-in-four weirdos do." Hmmm, what are the odds? OK maybe SOME of them are normal, but the rest are weirdos. They beat their wives, have sex with their daughters, and are currently high on some sort of illegal substance. I don't like those odds. We move on to find Dad's room, where the world will be smaller and less dangerous.

Dad is so exhausted that we don't spend too much time with him before he is ready to sleep for the night. The OSM one and I return to our motel and read. It was quiet, I was under my electric blanket, and life was ok. We spent the next day with Dad. He seemed to be doing well, but the confusion and loss of memory continued to haunt him. The Dr. said he would like to keep him one more night and kinda "shine him up" before releasing him back to Cody. The OSM one and I are scheduled to be in Cody tonight. I inform Aunt T and she comes to Montana to visit Dad. She will stay in Montana and if Dad is released, we will meet in Cody. If he has to stay longer, I will return to Montana to spend the day with Dad.

Deer are everywhere between Cody and Montana. A lot of them met their demise on the road. There is construction at the hill and curve that is just before you reach Bridger. I hated this hill as a child. I was always scared dad would drive over the cliff. He was always looking around and not paying attention to the road. The OSM one drives the same way. We have to wait while they blast rocks from the hillside. When it is our turn to travel, the dust has not settled yet and some rocks continue to roll. I remember a man in our ward when I was a teen who lost his wife when a large boulder fell from a dump truck onto their vehicle. Smashed his wife as she sat in the passenger seat. Hmmm, what are the odds? Really? I don't know. I am still the little girl who wants to go home now. I don't want to go up that hill. But the OSM one drives forward anyway, letting me process my memories as we go.

About 3:00 am, the door to the next room at our motel slams closed. Brian rolled over, apparently stirring from the noise, but he goes back to sleep. I am wide awake, startled by the unexpected noise. Then I hear people yelling. Did I hear hitting? Did something get thrown? Hmmm, what are the odds. I roll over and try to go back to sleep. The yelling continues. It gets louder. I've seen the results of domestic violence. The pictures flash in my memory.

Am I really hearing this right? I climb out of bed and approach our own door. I can hear them clearly now. "Sara! calm down!"..."What the F...! I'm trying to help you and you are out trying to get laid!" "Sara, it isn't what it looks like! Calm down"... Hmmm, what are the odds. I don't like it. But their room is connected to our room as part of a two room suite. No. I don't like the odds. I call 911 and an officer is sent. I hear them knock on the neighbor's door. The rest of the night was quiet.

Aunt T called at 10:00 AM and said Dad would be released after lunch. I was still sleeping. After hanging up, I returned to sleep. I slept until late afternoon. Aunt T called and said to meet them at the Sunset House for dinner, Dad was hungry. We met. Dad was grumpy. He takes it out on Aunt T. A bit on me, but more toward Aunt T. His behavior in public is embarrassing. I am taken back to a time when I went to the store with my Dad and he met someone he knew in one of the aisles. I kept bugging him about something I wanted and he spanked me.

He spanked me because I was interupting them. But he did it in front of his friend. Not only did my bottom hurt, but my ego was shattered. How could he treat me that way in front of someone. I will be the same way. I am just like my father as I am reminded so frequently. I worry about embarrassing my kids. It is best for me to hide if their friends come to visit. What if someone comes to visit the OSM one? I hide. I cannot risk embarrassing him. It will ruin him forever. What are the odds? Too high. I order a salad, it should be safe. I eat a few bites, but stop. My stomach warns me not to go further. Dad mocks Aunt T's laughter while she is visiting with the OSM one. Even remembering this, my heart accelerates. No one saw that, right? What are the odds? I'm not sure, but I don't like them. I want to return to the motel, get warm under my electric blanket and read. With just the OSM one. No one else. I want the world to leave me alone.